I Just Had To Laugh

Welcome to the second installment of this geek's view of life. I'm happy to report that I've gotten some positive feedback, meaning that I'm going to be coming at you like a hurricane, of arms, and teeth and fingernails. You won't know what hit you. Of course, now this means that I need to make things funny to keep the attention of all 6 of you (hopefully by tomorrow, we'll be in the double digits with fans - a boy can dream). I was going to hit you up with an elaborate story about Saved By The Bell and the 25th Anniversary Rock and Roll Hall of Fame special on HBO (it had to do with Slater's immense skill at wrapping gifts/fantastic mullet and Bruce Springsteen's tight jeans/sweaty thighs) but I decided that it was too forced. It wasn't me. Although watching this woman wrap a gift at the gift wrapping counter was a sight to be seen. She was so meticulous that the triangle flaps were equidistant from the edge. And she did it without a ruler!! I can't draw a straight line with a ruler, let alone wrap a gift where the paper is even. I'm pretty much the reason God invented the gift bag.

The mall gift wrap lady wasn't the only magical thing that happened tonight. I was able to purchase myself some jeans that gives me an absolutely breathtaking heinie. I will now pause for you all to imagine bouncing quarters off of it, or just admire it - cause that's what it's there for, to be admired..............still pausing..............and I'm done. But every ray of light will always be contradicted by an ugly, soulless and evil black hole (sort of like my grandmother), and tonight's enjoyment was destroyed by the reminder that I missed Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Seriously, the entire night has now been rendered useless. I contemplated disowning Slater's mullet, but that would just be silly. Kind of like my evil toe where I draw all my power, that mullet gives me purpose in life. This is why I still watch every morning. That is unless it's the Ms. Bliss years, which are airing right now. I can't watch it. Horrible acting, horrible story lines. It's just not the SBTB that we all know and love. Much like Rocky V, the Dave Brown era, and this new Melrose Place crap, it didn't happen.

So to sum up: Slater's mullet gives me the motivation in the morning to get out of bed and make it sexual, while the evil toe provides the life blood. Saved By The Bell - The Ms. Bliss years are a mirage and shouldn't be taken seriously. I had thoughts earlier about the tightness of Bruce Springsteen's jeans and those thoughts included the amount of chaffing that occurs, followed by how many containers of Johnson's baby powder he must go through in any given week. Rudolph may hold the key to my infinite happiness and my grandmother is a heartless demon. That being said, my butt is fantastic. Hold onto your hats cause these themes may come back from time to time.