Think of What You're Saying

Since I'm waiting for the washing machine to open up (seriously, who does laundry on a Saturday night????) I figured I would jot down a few thoughts. This might be pretty random, so forgive me for deviating from the normal TV talk.

Went to see Avatar and could definitely see the appeal...if I was all that much interested in computer graphics. I just don't think it took that much talent to create that world. For all those that are depressed that they don't live on Pandora, remember this: there are humongous rhino looking creatures that will run you over if they see you make a move. Wolf/hyena type mammals will tear you from limb to limb. Freakishly tall blue people with pony tails and no genitalia carry a bow and 1 arrow to protect themselves. I don't think you're missing anything.

I think Dan Dierdorf has really strong emotional and sexual feelings for Peyton Manning. There's a chance that if Peyton was ever convicted of murder, Dierdorf would praise him for the way he moved his feet as he drove a knife into some one's chest.

Steve Guttenberg better get the lead in The John Harbaugh Story: From Broncos to Ravens.

Geico has definitely moved to the front of the commercial list again, and I would love to see the gecko take out the Progressive lady. She wears way too much lipstick.

Every time the Blackberry commercial airs, a piece of John Lennon's spirit enters each phone and messes with the track ball. I don't know why he's invading mine, I can't stand that they are using that song.

Whoever decided to put glue on the starting tab of the toilet paper should be taken out back and beaten with a hose. Toilet paper is the flimsiest entity in the world and the last thing you need to fight with is glue when you're trying to take care of business.

I Didn't Know What I Would Find There

I'm not too sure if this whole late night issue has me in the tizzy that I might have been in if I were a little younger. Now a days I spend my late nights either sleeping or watching Daily Show/Colbert Report/Sportscenter (although if they don't change their LA team, I might abandon ship on them too). I don't have the time or patience to watch a watered down Conan, an old Letterman, an on WAY too late Fallon, or a boring Kimmel. And don't get me started on Leno.

OK, get me started.

I never thought Leno was funny. His jokes were and are still lame, but also pretty obvious at the same time. He's definitely perfected the "have you heard this, did you know about this?" routine, and that annoys me to no end. He's freakishly weird looking, and the fact that his chin protrudes out further than his poofy hair leads me to believe that he's not fully developed. The dumbest thing that NBC did was give him a primetime show. On top of that, it was a primetime show that was nothing special. There weren't any new gags that weren't thought up of for The Tonight Show, and those were getting old. The only thing that changed was taking the desk away, leaving the audience with an uncomfortable shot of Leno's crossed legs and crotch to stare at while he interviewed a celebrity, badly.

Unfortunately, the majority of people didn't agree with me, and thought that Leno was the greatest thing since sliced bread. These are the same herbs that let Arrested Development get canceled. These are the same tools that are going to get Better Off Ted canceled. And it's these same people who are going to cause Conan to go to FOX where he will fail miserably and we will no longer see the Masturbating Bear. Once that day happens, I'm definitely moving to Canada.

Getting Nowhere

Well, look who's back. It was a very successful and long holiday, as I received a pair of socks in my stocking. Apparently my parents told me that they used to receive such a gift back in the day. My thoughts were that back then, my grandparents didn't have much money, and of course they gave my parents socks. It was the gift that kept on giving because there were no holes in the new pair. I understand.

So here we are in 2010. A new year with nothing but hope and promise. It's like a brand new slate that's blank and clear. I'm very excited. But nothing could make me more excited than what I saw on The Daily Show tonight. George Lucas, the greatest human this side of Bea Arthur, talked to Jon Stewart. The first thing Jon Stewart did was question him about how the Sith couldn't sense that Leia was out there in the universe. EXACTLY! We argued about that 5 years ago! I'm so happy that I'm not the only geek that felt this was an incredible injustice. Thank you Jon Stewart, you are my idol.

I also want to give a shout out to my buddy KLong for always putting a Star Wars reference in all of The Colbert Report graphics. Tonight's graphic included the explosion of Alderaan (Charming to the last) and I laughed and cried each time it aired. Good job my friend...you are always my REAL idol.